sometimes things just change

I think sometimes things go on for years. Days go by, weeks and months and it's all you can do just to get through the minutes. Conversely, you start doing things just to NOT HAVE TO THINK about all that time slipping away... Like drink a few more glasses of wine or watch some addictingly stupid show on TV. Eventually however, something changes.  We hear that someone had an epiphany and.. foundgodwentstraightstoppeddrinkinglostweightgotdivorcedjoinedthepeacecorps
How does that really happen?
In reality most people have change forced upon them. A death, an accident or illness, a lost job - a crisis that precipitates a reevaluation and lifestyle modification. This is reactive living.

My dad and I were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital the other day. My mother was having hip replacement surgery.  So my dad (who is pretty much the living embodiment of John Wayne crossed with The Marlboro Man and Clint Eastwood) says " I owned a Gran Torino for a while"

Wow... I remember the 442 and the Mustang and the Grand Prix.  How did I miss a Gran Torino? (He said "I didn't own it for very long"). Then we spent 20 minutes while we were waiting for the ortho-hip Dr to come talk to us after the surgery comparing how many times we experienced "loss of consciousness" concussions and what were the most painful injuries we had ever received.  It was a real bonding experience and I'm not being ironic. Between that conversation and the time a few weeks ago that my dad and I flew back to Michigan on the red-eye for my grandmother's funeral together, I think it is the most time we have talked in 43 years.
What other notable things have happened in the past 6 months?
1. I figured out that the SSRI I have been taking for 6 years was causing serotonin toxicity and I decided to stop taking it
2. The grandmother that raised me when my mother became a divorced single mother died
3. Leaving the SSRI behind allowed me to start a fitness and diet program with 14 lbs lost and 26 more to go

So things have changed. I am thinner and clearheaded for the first time in 6 years since taking the SSRI. I am without my grandmother who was one of the greatest role models in my life... I will remind myself everyday to emulate her way of reserving judgment and retaining a sense of humor about life.  I have had 'normal' and 'adult' conversations with my father for the first time in our lives.

These may seem like minor things. But I FEEL like I am both a brand new person and a person returning to a skin I have not had on for some time.  It will be interesting, but I feel optimistic for the first time in many many years.