Sometimes storybook endings are for the other team

A team of over-achievers with a professional mindset.
A team of girls - every one that will be playing soccer in college next year at some of the best programs in the country.
A Superstar - All-Star team - some might have even called it the "Dream Team"
Here are the statistics.
1. Of the 20 players that took the field today, only 2 have played in all 8 state championship games.
2. Only 3 of 20 were on the original squad that won the first state championship when they were 11 years old and 5 of 20 were on the opposing team that lost that U11 championship
3. The Far West Regionals win in 2006 was their highest achievement, yet only 7 of the 20 girls on the field today participated in that event.
4. 6 state championships and 1 Regional championship in 7 years before today.

It is a team with history composed of individuals that have come together because they share the talent and drive to play at the top echelons of club soccer; never mind the drama and the carnage from the intervening years of players being cut as better ones were added.

Our opponent:
1. Never been in the state championship final against us
2. Our team always beat them - once in the quarter finals and the last 2 years in the semis
3. However, both semi-final wins came from overtime ties and PK shootouts

Today's game:
I almost can't write about it. Well OK - I REALLY don't want to rehash the details of the game, so I won't. Every loss in the history of the world can be attributed to certain things and this one was no different. Missed opportunities and legs just giving out at the end and a little bit of luck or something or Karma (only for the other side).

That was the game.

I am the mother of the leading scorer and star forward that scored the game winning goal at U11 to start this great run (she is one of the two who has played in all 8 years). Also the player who missed her breakaway shot today during over time that would have put the game away. She has been the hero SO MANY TIMES, that we come to depend on her heroics  - instead of appreciating that they REALLY ARE HEROIC. And sometimes it just doesn't work out. (see great goal below from a few weeks ago - #13)

So this was the last time I will watch one of my kids play for a state championship. It ended with a fizzle and dissatisfaction and regret (and tears all the way around).

One thing I know is that although there aren't many second chances in life, there are ALWAYS next opportunities. These girls, and my daughter in particular, will never again be able to play for that last state championship win. They may not be remembered as one of the greatest teams the state of Washington has ever produced (or they still might). However, we did have a bit of luck in that Washington will send 2 (YES 2!) teams to Regionals this year as we have the wild card draw. So there is a chance for redemption - there is a chance that this team can still achieve and even better past accomplishments. They can go for another regionals win and cap off THIS story book with a trip to Nationals (in 2006 the team was too young to qualify for Nationals).

Ultimately, the loss today may have that proverbial silver lining.  Check back with me in mid-June when we're in Boise, ID....  That's the other thing.  Regionals moves around every year, depending on which western state gets awarded the bid. The last time this team won in 2006...  guess where?  Yes, you are correct.  It was Boise. Like music to my ears, I love the sweet sound of that name.

CAN'T WAIT.

Horses - Part 1

Think back to your first memories. Maybe you can glimpse flickering lights, a mother's face or a favorite pet. We come into our consciousness gradually. Our early memories are fragmented and slowly start to build into our "sense of self".  So, what then is the foundation of a Passion?

I do not remember when I was not passionate (obsessed my parents would say) about horses and riding. If I think objectively, I cannot comprehend a time in my youthful life, when I did not think/connive/obsess about owning and riding horses. It was really strange! I was a suburban Detroit kid with middle-class parents of eastern European descent - no connection, absolutely ZERO connection to horses, yet there it was. I loved them. I read books about horses and deformed my Barbies' legs  around the barrels of model horses so they could ride and jump.  I sketched horses in every pose at every gait.

I worked to raise money. I saved every penny from birthday and Christmas gifts. By the time I was 10 years old I had $750 saved for my horse!  A fortune! We moved to a town in Michigan with a house near a pony farm and (!!!) I started riding! My first pony cost $250. The saddle, bridle and other tack and brushes totaled around $200. My mother agreed to pay $35/month for field board, but i had to pay for lessons - about $5/week.

I was there every day. I went in the winter, in the blizzards and in the snow in the rain and in the sun. I remember riding my pony bareback (it was warmer that way) in the blizzard crouched down with my head on the lee side of her neck to block the driving winds. I just wanted to be there, with her, riding. I didn't care.

On sunny days I would gallop as fast as she could go across the fields - I could have broken my neck - I could have broken her neck! But I didn't care. I just wanted to go as fast as we could go. And for a few moments the world was perfect and we were flying across the ground until the field ended and we had to stop.

What are credentials?

What are credentials?




I HAVE DONE SOMETHING meaningful and important

goddammit MY LIFE MEANS SOMETHING

I HAVE LETTERS AFTER MY NAME!!!!

"Hey you... Yeah you! Listen to me  - I know what I'm talking about!"

"Well, you know, I HAVE A DEGREE"



Yours truly,

Dr. Donna, PhD

sometimes things just change

I think sometimes things go on for years. Days go by, weeks and months and it's all you can do just to get through the minutes. Conversely, you start doing things just to NOT HAVE TO THINK about all that time slipping away... Like drink a few more glasses of wine or watch some addictingly stupid show on TV. Eventually however, something changes.  We hear that someone had an epiphany and.. foundgodwentstraightstoppeddrinkinglostweightgotdivorcedjoinedthepeacecorps
How does that really happen?
In reality most people have change forced upon them. A death, an accident or illness, a lost job - a crisis that precipitates a reevaluation and lifestyle modification. This is reactive living.

My dad and I were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital the other day. My mother was having hip replacement surgery.  So my dad (who is pretty much the living embodiment of John Wayne crossed with The Marlboro Man and Clint Eastwood) says " I owned a Gran Torino for a while"

Wow... I remember the 442 and the Mustang and the Grand Prix.  How did I miss a Gran Torino? (He said "I didn't own it for very long"). Then we spent 20 minutes while we were waiting for the ortho-hip Dr to come talk to us after the surgery comparing how many times we experienced "loss of consciousness" concussions and what were the most painful injuries we had ever received.  It was a real bonding experience and I'm not being ironic. Between that conversation and the time a few weeks ago that my dad and I flew back to Michigan on the red-eye for my grandmother's funeral together, I think it is the most time we have talked in 43 years.
What other notable things have happened in the past 6 months?
1. I figured out that the SSRI I have been taking for 6 years was causing serotonin toxicity and I decided to stop taking it
2. The grandmother that raised me when my mother became a divorced single mother died
3. Leaving the SSRI behind allowed me to start a fitness and diet program with 14 lbs lost and 26 more to go

So things have changed. I am thinner and clearheaded for the first time in 6 years since taking the SSRI. I am without my grandmother who was one of the greatest role models in my life... I will remind myself everyday to emulate her way of reserving judgment and retaining a sense of humor about life.  I have had 'normal' and 'adult' conversations with my father for the first time in our lives.

These may seem like minor things. But I FEEL like I am both a brand new person and a person returning to a skin I have not had on for some time.  It will be interesting, but I feel optimistic for the first time in many many years.